Today was a pretty busy day for me. I left home soon after I dropped the kids off to school to the Texas Workforce Center to apply for a few jobs that I was interested in. I wound up having to take a skills test for one of them, which caused me to be away longer that I had planned to. When I finally returned home, my husband was heading out the door and wanted me to come with him. So he and I went "mall hopping". When that was over, it was 3:15 PM, time to pick up my youngest daughter, the five-year old. By then, I was completely exhausted. Let's not mention that I had to go and pick up dinner for tonight, fix the meal, and pick the older girls up from tutorials at 5:30 PM. Or the fact that I have been gone since 8:45 this morning.
I asked my "Peaceful Ph leg ma tic" husband to help Angela with her math homework after she had her snack. That was 3:45 PM. Mind you, my husband had slept until 1:00 PM today (he does this A LOT)! I went ahead and continued to finish what needed to be done today. I returned home at 6:15 PM, and Angela is still sitting in front of a stack of unfinished math papers. I went off. I asked Matthew why Angela's homework hadn't been done, and guess what his answer was? He had JUST GOTTEN UP. That means that in addition to the 13 hours of sleep he already had, he adds 2 1/2 to 3 hours more!!!! I was livid! But this time, I played it cool. I let my husband and my daughter work this one out on their own. I turned off the TV and took the television remote from him (he had the audacity to turn the TV on while attempting to help her with her work) and placed it in the highest cabinet I could reach. I fixed dinner for my two daughters and myself, and ate while they struggled with the homework. See, I was determined to send her to bed without supper for disobeying me, unless she finished her homework (which she did, and had dinner before turning in at 9:30). But for Matthew, I simply spoke my mind, and told him how I felt, in a language only he could understand.
You see, ladies, my husband is very virile-"hot", as I put it so very bluntly, and although I appreciate the physical intimacy from time to time, because I am so responsible for so much, I tire easily. My husband has the energy to be"hot". I don't. I don't appreciate him pawing me at the end of the day when I have been busy 24-7, and without any attempt on his end to help me. I told him exactly what I am saying here, in so many words. I had NEVER done this before, but now, after all that I have been through, I am at a different place in my life. I don't mind telling him exactly how I feel. I did not attack him, or curse him out, or any of those things I normally would have done five or ten years ago. But today, my message resonated. The homework had gotten done. I did not feel guilty about what I had said. Life goes on. Quite frankly, if he isn't "hot" for awhile, than that's fine with me. I will finally be able to catch up on some much- needed rest.
Many of you may disagree with my sentiment, and that's fine. But for the record, I DO NOT make a habit of denying my husband. He can stand testament to that!! This isn't about "punishing" him for not doing what I wanted him to do. This is about how, earlier in our marriage, I wasn't able to communicate how I felt in a way that was real or effective. I just recently learned how to do this, without feeling guilty, ashamed, or feeling as if I wasn't supposed to. Being able to communicate my feelings effectively is extremely liberating for me. Believe it or not, it liberates my husband, too. Instead of having to deal with an angry wife who doesn't know why she's angry herself, can't communicate in anger and stays like that for days and days, now I am able to just say what I feel I need to, and leave it there. No picking it back up, swallowing it, and regurgitating it over and over. It's done. Remember, feelings and washes of emotions are temporary; but peace of mind is a priceless treasure that I suffered long and hard to obtain, and I am not about to let emotions or fickle feelings rob me of it anymore.
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