God's Peace

After another busy day of errand running, a two-hour nap, and attending a night meeting at my children's school for an after-school program the CIS counselors are putting together, I needed some time alone with the Lord.  So I drove to my favorite park, sat in my car, and poured my heart out to him-my feelings, my uncertainties, my past failures, my apprehension about the future, my fears, the lessons I've learned, and the mistakes I didn't want to repeat in my life.  I cried some of the time, but the prayer was very direct, dealing with specific issues I am facing.  A moment passed, and then I felt His peace wash over me like a flood. 

That peace.  None of you have any idea how valuable that peace is to me.  It's indescribable-kind of like a knowing, an undeniable presence that carries you into a place of stability, of strength, and a renewed, refreshed sense of purpose.  It gives me what I need to live yet another day.  And I know that sometime today, tomorrow, or this week, He will provide answers to some of my most daunting problems.  He already provided an answer for one..... in my last journal, I expressed how frustrated I was with my husband.  Well, logging on to my local New Orleans news site, there was a piece done on marital discord among couples who suffered during the hurricanes.  It's as if He wanted me to know that I am not alone, and that how I feel is okay, and that there is help if I need it.  Well, He has become all the help that I will ever need.  I don't have to worry about tomorrow anymore.

I prayed most of all that He doesn't allow me to fall out of His will.  That's a prayer that I will probably pray for the rest of my life.  I am the type of person who rushes to make decisions because I am afraid that life will not turn out the way that I want it to.  I have made some very poor choices in my past, and have made myself justify them, even though I knew I was wrong, because many times I found myself so deep in the mess that it seemed literally impossible to come out of it.  And, I did not want to admit that I was wrong.  The Bible teaches that there is a way that seems right to a man, but the end thereof is death.  I am the poster child for "laboring in vain".  But God has delivered me from so much, I mean, I don't have enough room in this journal to say what, that I amthoroughly convinced that NOTHING is impossible for him, and I can trust HIM with my life.  I can live without many things and many people, but I cannot live without HIM.