I'm Sorry!

Hello, everyone!  I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile, but this week has been pretty hectic.  On Friday night, my husband left to pick up his sister in Austin, TX, his stepfather in Arlington, TX (near the Dallas-Fort Worth area) on Saturday morning, and bring them to Natchez, MS.  Saturday night, instead of bringing his sister back home (or staying in Mississippi to rest), he returned home-WITH HIS SISTER (aaarrrggghhh!!!) to spend the night.  On Sunday, while my daughters and I were in church, someone (probably a crack head) broke into our Suburban by prying the plastic door handle off with a screwdriver or a crowbar.  Thankfully, the only damage done was to the door, because there wasn't anything left inside the vehicle that they could take.  I, being afraid to be left alone with the girls after this happened, decide to take the ride to Austin with him and his sister.  Monday morning, I had a 9:00 appointment, and my husband had a 10:00 appointment with the Texas Workforce for financial aid approval for the computer classes.  My husband found a reasonable estimate for the repair of the door, so we are bringing the truck to the shop tomorrow.  I also applied for another dispatcher job today, and I am going to take a skills test for a dispatcher position at the University Of Houston Clear Lake campus.  I called the Louisiana Department Of Education today and, to my dismay, they claim that they have been "swamped" with requests for high school transcripts, and haven't even gotten around to my application, which was mailed January 6th, to be entered into the system.  The lady told me to call back in a few days to see if I have been entered into the system yet.  I shall call back, but if I'm still not processed, then I will have to go to New Orleans to find my diploma and/or transcripts inside my mother's apartment.  Several employers are waiting for those transcripts to process me, so everything is delayed right now.  I called all of the employers who are waiting and advised them of the situation, and let them know that I was still interested in the positions that I applied for.

A lot is going on, but don't worry!  It is Satan's job to hinder!  That's his JOB; it's what he's supposed to do!  Don't think for one moment that he is going to let a child of God bask in the grace and mercy that God has given her peacefully!  He hates me; and I expect him to!  But HE CANNOT TOUCH ME!!!  What God has for me, the devil may send delays, but it's coming to me friends!  I've walked with God long enough to know that when the enemy turns up the heat, then God is getting ready to deliver me!!!  To God be the glory!!!!!

I've got to go, and I'm sorry that I don't have time to visit any of you tonight!  On top of everything else, I have to do laundry!!!  But I will visit all of you AS SOON AS I CAN!!!!  LOL!!!!!                

Prayer

Since Sunday is approaching (my favorite day!), I would like to take this time to reflect on something very important, and that is prayer.

As I read the comments to my journal entries, I see that many of you are out there praying for me and my family.  That brings me so much joy and peace!  But if any of you know how Satan operates, he begins to toy with your mind.

"Those people aren't praying for you!  They don't even know you!"

My response to that is "Satan, I rebuke you in the name of JESUS!  Crawl back into the pit of Hell where you belong!  You have no authority in my mind, or my life!  I will not entertain your lies and deception!"

Why, may you ask, do I feel that strongly about this?  Well, for starters, I want everyone out there to know that God is real.  He is all-seeing, all-knowing, and all-powerful!  He is not like us.  He hears each and every prayer that is sent to Him by a person of faith.  I also want to stress that He isn't impressed with a lot of words, either!  There is a scripture in the Bible where Jesus teaches His disciples not to pray as the heathen do, with a lot of empty words to impress those around them, but simple, honest prayers are all that's needed.  I believe that even when we just call out the name of someone who's crossed our minds or our hearts to Him, He hears that and immediately sees to that person's need, whatever it may be!

The word of God teaches us that "where two or three are gathered together in my name, I will be in the midst"!  I truly believe that you faith-filled women (and men) who are out there praying for one another (and me), are sending 10,000 or more demons to flight!  I believe that we will begin to see happier, more fulfilling lives in 2006!

Finally, I have had the opportunity to read about many of you who may have been harmed by "people of God" (pastors, preachers, priests, etc.)  I want all of you to know that where people fail, God remains constant!  He NEVER changed; He is the same yesterday, today, and forever!  A mother of a church taught me a while back that the Bible teaches us that "Cursed is the man that trusts in man, and makes flesh his arm; but blessed is the man that makes God his strength".  I want you who have been hurt, fleeced, hoodwinked, taken advantage of, or just downright dogged out by "church folk" to confide in Jesus about your experiences.  Cry out to Him.  Take your burdens to the altar and leave them there!  LEAVE THEM THERE, never to pick them up again!  As someone who has experienced this myself, I am so grateful that I never lost my faith in Jesus Christ!  So many people get angry at God and turn away from Him when these things take place.  But I want to encourage you, my friends, not to give up on Him!  A HUMAN BEING, dust, hurt you.  God did not!  And TRUST ME, because you are HIS CHILD, HE WILL AVENGE YOU!!!!!  He will take care of those "cockroaches" and "bootleg preachers"!  He WILL stomp them in the ground!  Any person who has had a protective, loving father as a child will tell you that Daddy didn't take no stuff when it came to his children!  And I'm here to tell you that our God is the same way with us!!!!!  He WILL NOT allow anyone to hurt you for long!  Hang in there, and trust Him, and you will begin to see manifestations that you never thought possible!  Always trust God, and NEVER doubt Him, friends!  He will see you through! 

So, as I end this entry, I want to again thank y'all for thinking about us and praying for us!  I want you to know that I am thinking about and praying for all of you, too!  I am so grateful for you out there!  I thank God for y'all!  I will go now, because although I have nursed "sugar doodle" back to health, she has passed her "cooties" on to me!  So I have to take care of myself before Sunday comes!  Bye, y'all! 

P.S.  Don't forget to pray for ALL our leaders, the President, the Senate, the House, Israel, and our children!  We are living in the last days!  Let Him know that we need Him now more than ever!  LOL            

HUH?

HUH? :

LAHOMA, WHERE ART THOU?????  YOUR JOURNAL PAGE ISN'T WORKING!!!!!  I MISS YOU!!!!

HUH?

Okay, so last night my family was CHILLIN'.  You know, the Bob Marley-type, "don't worry about a t'ing, because every little t'ing's gonna be all right" chillin'.  My daughters are watching cartoons, my husband's chatting on his cell phone, and I'm surfing the web.

At 9:15 PM I receive a call from Minute Men Staffing, a temp agency that I applied for LAST YEAR (in December), telling me that my application is approved, and they're going to start calling me out for assignments.

HUH???

What is it about employers who call LATE AT NIGHT to advise you that your life is about to change dramatically, and ever so matter-of-factly?  I remember when I first started working for the police department.  At that time, my oldest daughter was eight months old.  On an unseasonably warm December night, she and I were taking a mother/daughter nap, and at about the same time, 8:00 or 8:30 PM, a police officer called me to tell me that I had gotten the job!  Naturally, I had to see if he was joking at first, because I always thought that those kinds of calls were made in the morning!  But it wasn't a joke, and I did indeed start working that month.  Of course, I was excited!  I called Matthew (who was my boyfriend at the time), all my family and friends, the whole deal. 

This time, I don't know.  I've sent out so many applications, I don't even remember WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE!  Plus, I had a pretty bad experience with a temp agency in New Orleans.  The staffers were SO SNOTTY!  They had me to call them every week to see if they had anything available, and their attitude was like, "yeah, we told you to call us, but catch us if you can!"  After a month, I felt like they weren't really interested in having me represent them, so I gave up.  I do remember that I scored pretty high on the skills test that this agency gave me, so I guess I was a shoe-in.  But I've never done temp work before.  Anyone out there can give me any information?  What will it be like? I'm curious!

On top of all of that, my husband and I are still scheduled to take that month-long training course in February, and my heart is still set on the dispatching job in Conroe!  What should I do?  God knows I could use the money, but I don't want to bite off more than I can chew, and there are some incentives I don't want to miss in taking that training course, such as the $100 in gas cards, the $100 Wal-Mart card, and the list of available jobs once we finish!  Decisions, decisions...............!

Well, I have to go now.  My "sugar-doodle", Angela (my five-year old), has been running a temperature, and I'm taking her to the doctor today.  Bye, y'all!     

Mom's Cooking

Mom's Cooking :

For those of you who don't know what an IUD is, it is an intra uterine device, or a T-shaped device the doctor inserts into the uterus for birth control.  There are two types: the five year (Mirena), and the ten year (Paragard T).  IUDs had gotten a bad rap in the 70's, because the copper ones were believed to cause TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome), uterine cancer, and other types of feminine ills. But these newer ones are made of copper and plastic, and are safer. In my opinion, it's a great alternative to having your tubes tied, or "clipped and burned" (ugh!) because if I ever decide to have children again, all I have to do is have the device removed.  I know many of you think I'm CRAZY for even thinking about having another baby!  I'm not thinking about it right now, but it's nice to have that option in case I decide to!

I have a few links in my Favorite Sites box about IUDs if you want more information.  Bye, y'all! 

Mom's Cooking

For some reason, I have been sleeping an awful lot.  I mean, sure, I have to get the girls up early and do my daily errand running, but I never sleep this much!  I know what many of you are thinking, and the answer to it is: 10-year IUD!!!! 

I didn't feel like cooking today, so I took the 45-minute drive to Southwest Houston, where my mom lives.  I think that my mother is one of the best cooks alive.  What I love about her cooking the most is that she naturally makes a lot of food.  Even though her days of fixing food for her nine siblings have long been over, she still cooks as if she is feeding  a multitude!  I picked up some roast and seafood gumbo, and of course we sat and ate dinner with her.  She also gave Matt and I a "monetary token" to help us out.  Thank God for mothers and grandmothers!

Forgive me.....I stayed out a little too long, and my daughters are still up, trying to finish homework!

Well, that's all for now.  I am so stuffed!  I'm getting ready to go back to bed!

: Well, actually, there's no funny story behind it.  That's how long it took anyone to get anywhere in New Orleans on the bus!  Because everyone used public transit, the buses had to make frequent stops.  If you had to be at work for, say, 4:00 PM, then you'd better leave your house at 2:00 PM to get there on time!  Frustrating, isn't it?  Imagine having to get your kids to school in the morning, or worse yet, to a doctor's appointment!  Now you see why I am so happy to have my own car now!  It's refreshing to see that other people notice how ridiculous that is.  But unfortunately, thousands of us lived that way for a LONG TIME.  That was just the way it was, and there was nothing anyone could do about it!    

: Then again, it took me an hour and a half to get to work and back home on the bus EVERY DAY in New Orleans, and my job was less than three miles away!

Yesterday, my husband and I had taken the test together.  All that I can say is AAARRRGGGHHHH..............I HATE MATH!!!!!  I had a SPLITTING headache from a 45 minute test!  I hope we passed!  I'm going to call the center tomorrow to find out.

Today we went to the two seminars.  We ate lunch together.  We washed the Suburban together.  It was a good day!

I hope we find jobs soon.  At the seminar, the employment counselors pointed out some issues we should seriously take into consideration when accepting work, such as children, traffic, distance, etc.  I REALLY wanted (and think I have) a dispatching job in Conroe, Texas.  But Conroe is a 45-minute drive from where I live.  I hadn't thought about any of this until now.  I thought that I could make it work, but in all honesty,  I don't know if I can accept a job too far away because of the children.  Other than the after-school program, I have no one else that can keep them until I return home.  My husband is looking for work, also, and depending on where he will be working, this will be an issue.  I really like TDPS, the pay and benefits are acceptable, and I think they like me, too!  At the same time, I don't want to cause TDPS a lot of problems and make them sorry that they ever hired me!  Matthew told me to pray about the situation, and stop worrying.  That's sound advice, because there isn't anything I can do, anyway.  God is in control of my life, and He shall decide where and when I will work.  I also know that He knows my situation, and if I wait and trust Him, everything will work out.

Good night all out there in J-land!  We're about to have dinner.  I want to thank all of you who visit me regularly and leave comments.  I appreciate the well wishes.  I will visit as many of you as I can.  This journal thing is something that I really enjoy!  LOL  

Thanks, Lahoma!  And it's okay, I understand!  The most important thing for you right now is to get better and stronger!  I hope my entries, though simple, bring a smile to you as you read them.  I will be very happy if they do.  Visit anytime, and I will be watching.......I hope you decide to return to J-land someday!

P.S.: I'm still praying for you!  LOL   

Oh, Snap! He Apologized!

Click onto wwltv.com for that, too.  Bless his little heart!  Well, at least he's able to admit he's wrong! 

Today, my husband and I went to fill out paperwork for the computer training courses.  The classes will start in February, but tomorrow we have to take a skills competency test and attend two seminars Thursday in preparation for them.  That will keep us occupied until we find work.  Today is his birthday, and I, the big, egotistical jerk that I am (Don't tell me that women can't possibly be jerks!  You don't want to run into my ego!), almost forgot.  His sister called while he was out to wish him a happy birthday.  The girls knew, but they also know that Matthew and I still aren't talking (I think I really hurt his feelings the other day when we had that falling out; I do that from time to time.  He'll get over it...........).

When I picked the girls up this evening, we went to Wal-Mart and purchased a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream (Blue Bell Triple Chocolate), and fixings for his favorite meal.....fried shrimp, a baked potato (fries are too fattening), and toast.  The girls are having lasagna.  He left out again, where I dunno.  It's his prerogative.  It's his b-day; he can do what HE wants!!!!!

As for Mayor Nagin today, all that I have to say is that it never ceases to amaze me what comes out of our mouths when we are desperate.  It's viewing this tirade today that compels me to watch what I say even more so in the future.

Oh, and please don't suggest that I apologize.  It's not that I wouldn't; it's just that the issue requires a lot more attention than that, and neither one of us are willing to take the time to resolve it right now.  We will, trust me, but I have learned that in some cases it's best to let time run its course.

Well, that didn't take long....he's pulling up to the door now.  Good nite, y'all!

One of THOSE days........

One of THOSE days........ :

Thanks, Lahoma!  That pomade wouldn't happen to be Blue Magic, would it?  That's what we use!  It's at Wal Mart!  Happy "sniffing!" 

One of THOSE days........

Today is one of those days that I feel absolutely CRUMMY.  My cycle began yesterday and I'm tired, aching, bloated, and short-tempered.  I am angry at my husband right now, so I journal to cool down.  I will spare any reader the gory details...I feel I have already shared T.M.I! 

We're enjoying a three-day weekend (M.L. King day is tomorrow), so this gives me time to wash everyone's hair, including mine.  For African-American women and girls, that task is an all-day affair, and there's FOUR of us!  But it's also a great bonding time.  It will be nice to have them home on a weekday, too.

I am still waiting for responses from all the jobs I applied for in the last two weeks. On Tuesday, I will be enrolling myself and my husband in some computer courses that are set to begin in February.  They are free of charge to the hurricane victims,  and not only will it give us something to do while we are waiting to be hired, but the classes will teach us all of the computer functions every job is asking us to be familiar with (Excel, spreadsheets, Lotus, etc.).  I HOPE that we are hired by then, but if not, we won't lose our unemployment benefits if we are enrolled in a training program. Besides, if I'm not considered for one of the dispatching jobs I want, I can always return to Wal-Mart.  I'm in no hurry.  For Wal-Mart, I already know where I will be working here in Texas and who my boss will be.  I'm just looking for a better opportunity, and a chance to do what I love to do again.  Is that wrong? 

If anyone wants to catch up on the latest news in hurricane recovery in the New Orleans area, please feel free to click on my favorite sites.  These sites show the good, the bad, the ugly, tmi..........they make for very interesting reading and viewing.  Enjoy! 

I'm BAAAAAAACK..........

I'm BAAAAAAACK.......... :

Duh!  Like, can ANYONE tell I can't multiply?!!??

It is $39 instead of $52.  I'm sorry, y'all!

"Report Card Day" and AHA!

Yesterday was report card day at school.  All three of my girls did well!  They had such a rough start at the beginning. Because of Hurricane Katrina, they started school three weeks late, and had to get used to a new school, a culture shock (90% of the student body is Latino, and they come from a city that was 90% African-American), and a new system of learning.  But as I said before, the teachers and the school system have an attitude of excellence, and my kids soon got with the program. 

My oldest daughter made some great strides, but she is still falling behind.  Her teacher is afraid that if the school system doesn't go through with the motion to place her in a special program where she can catch up, she may fail this year.  I already know that Nicolette is behind, so I am doing everything in my power to make sure she is placed.  The problem is the school nurse.  She has to send the paperwork through, but hasn't done it, telling the teacher that "she doesn't want to discriminate because my daughter is from New Orleans."  That's foolishness, because for one, she has my consent to go through with it.  I think with her, it's two things.  The first thing is that she and Nicolette had gotten close when Nicolette was having problems adjusting at the school.  The second thing is that, in those "let-me-confide-in-you" moments, she told me that she has a child that is a lot like my daughter.  Well, maybe she doesn't want to come to grips with the fact that her child is a little slow.  But Nicolette is not HER child, she's MINE.  I already know my daughter's behind.  I'm not ashamed of it, and neither is Nicolette.  If this program is going to help Nicolette like they say it will, then I want her in the program.

From what I understand, this program will do pretty much what the private school system that I sent Nicolette to in New Orleans did.  They will teach her each subject at the level she is in until she catches up. I gave Nicolette's teacher my home number and my cell phone number.  I would hate to have to go over there and make a scene.  But for some reason, that's the only language some people understand, and I'm not above doing it if it means that Nicolette will receive the help she needs.

This morning, I had to pay the fees for the after school program and Nicolette's upcoming field trip.  It was bathroom time for my five year-old's class when I walked in the building.  Her teacher, Ms. Lewis, pulled me over to the side and asked me to go into the bathroom to see what Angela was doing.  I walked in there, and Angela was hanging from a shelf on the wall!  When she saw me, she FLEW into one of the bathroom stalls!  I had her to hurry out of the restroom, because she and three of her friends were holding the class up!  Sometimes, it's good (and sometimes FUN) to unexpectedly show up at your child's school! 

I'm BAAAAAAACK..........

Hello, everyone!  I'm back from a very busy and productive two days.  Monday, I went to Conroe for the job interview and skills test, and everything went well.  For someone who's rusty by about two years, I scored an 86.  Ms. Castro sent me home with a few (hundred!) more forms to fill out and a request for my credit report, which I downloaded from the TX Work source computer this morning.  I went to the post office and sent everything off, then went to the dentist for my oral surgery.  I thought that I was going to be swollen and in a lot of pain, but I felt NOTHING during the whole procedure!  When I got home, I had taken a long rest, and I am actually able to eat, drink, and talk!  The man is a GENIUS!!!!!!  He is definitely worth the money!

I received two more job offers from employers themselves who are pursuing my abilities, so I am going to fill out the applications and send them off, too.  I have learned that I must never allow myself to become settled on just one offer, because something may come up that may disqualify me, and I'll be left to look for another opportunity long after the good ones are already dried up.  Besides, I may decide to take another offer that is closer to home, etc., if I have those options. 

Matthew is ON again.....Let's just say that we are in agreement, this time, if ya know what I mean!!!!!! Le Rowr Rowr!  HA HA HA HA!

My daughters started the after school program today.  They were released at 6:15 PM, as promised.  They are also allowed to remain in their classroom tutorials, joining the other kids for the remainder of the program.  For $52 a month ($13 for each kid), that's cool.  I couldn't ask for a better child care program!

So far, 2006 for us is brimming with promise and opportunity.  But the future is always unexpected, so I'm holding on to my seat belt.  Good nite, y'all!         

Duh!

Well, I cleaned my house, fixed dinner and did the laundry.  But I left two loads of my laundry in the Laundromat!!!!!!

I fixed one of these boxed one-step dinners that required a glass baking dish, so I ran to the Family Dollar to get one.  On my way back home, the Laundromat was closed, with my laundry left inside the dryer!!!!!  DUH!!!!  I feel so foolish!  I really wanted to get everything done before tomorrow.  Now I have to go to the Laundromat in the morning to get my clothes!  I hate doing household chores on a Sunday!  Oh, well......

I am tired, but it's a contented fatigue.  This house was ripe for a cleaning.  I'm so glad that it's done.  The girls had fun with their dad, and they are bathed and in bed.  I'm getting ready to turn in, too, just as soon as Matthew is finished taking his shower.  Good nite, y'all! 

Saturday.......

 Can u believe that I slept until 12:00 this afternoon?!!??!  Half of the day is gone, I have laundry to do, a house to clean, and dinner to fix for tonight and tomorrow, and I am already exhausted!  On top of that, the girls are arguing and fussing again!  Just how did the women of yesterday do it?!!??  It damn sure wasn't BOREDOM, because there is no such thing in real family life!

Oh, thank God!  My husband just told me that he's taking the kids with him today!  HOORAY!!!!!!

Now, I can get everything that I need done without any interference!

I will keep you posted with how far I got................................

TGIF(?) Part II

Today, I was able to have the LA Dept Of Education fax me a copy of the request for transcripts form to the Texas Work source office for me to fill out and send off.  I also went to the Social Security office to receive a receipt of a request for my Social Security card.  So those documents should suffice.  Now, all I have to do is figure out how to get to Conroe, Texas.  It is right above Houston, and the lady gave me instructions on how to get there, but I am going alone.  The appointment is not until 3:30PM, so I will leave the house at about 12 to 12:30 to make sure I am early (and that I find the place!).

She had to schedule me for Monday afternoon, because I am having major oral surgery Tuesday morning, and I probably won't be able to talk for several days!!!!!

I don't know if it's me or the girls, but lately, they have begun to grate on my NERVES.  They are bickering and arguing all the time, and whining a lot!  I was patient and understanding last year, because of the hurricane and all the horrendous conditions they had to endure for three weeks, but they should be headed for recovery by now.  I love this FEMA-funded two bedroom apartment that we are in, but for a family of five, it's a little cramped.  All of us are competing for space.  I know; I'm going to make sure that they have something fun to do tomorrow, a chance to get out of the house.  That might ease tensions between them.

My daughters are truly one of a kind.  Of course, every mother thinks the same way about their kids, but I still think that they are pretty special.  My oldest daughter is shy and quiet.  She is A LOT like her father.  But she's very helpful and tries very hard to be responsible.  She makes a lot of mistakes, but her easy, super-sweet demeanor disarms me and forces me to overlook them.  She's the athlete and the artist of the family, a dreamer.  Only God knows what's going on behind her almond-shaped eyes.  Maya is the outspoken one.  Down-to-earth, not afraid to speak her mind, her animated face, huge, brown, expressive eyes and body language tells you what's going on long before you ask her.  An excessive talker, she actually taught her baby sister how to say some of her first words.  Angela is.......hyper.  Rambunctious, fearless and carefree, with a heart of gold.  She's five, the age where Mommy is the best person in the world, before she finds out that I'm human like everyone else.  My daughters bring me so much joy.  It's because of them that I want to give them the best life I can.  They are troopers, trusting me and going through some of the toughest times of my life along with me.  I want them to be strong, confident, independent women who make a contribution to society and the world.  I always tell them that I want them to be better than me.  They don't understand that yet; they're to young.  But when they become women, what I said to them will finally make sense.  But by that time, they already will do and be better than me.  And I will be very, very happy when they are.              

TGIF

This morning, I had to apply the belt to my two youngest daughters because they were trying to man handle their sister for trying to get them out of bed so that they could get ready for school.  They managed to get out of here at a decent time, with everything they needed.

Well, today, I am bringing my car, Nelly (yes, I named my car; yes, it is named after the rapper, because I am NOT riding no woman!), to Wal-Mart for a new battery.  Nelly is a 1986 Mercury Grand Marquis.  For many, that may seem old, but for the price I paid for it ($1000), it is in surprisingly good shape.  I had put new tires on it, tuned it up, had the wires changed (the dealer already placed a new starter and alternator in it), and had the fuses changed so that all of the power features would work.  It runs really, really smooth.  It had a problem with burning, but I had the thermostat changed, and applied a good grade of antifreeze to the radiator; problem solved!  The only thing is that Nelly has no air conditioning, and with leather seats, Nelly can be practically unbearable in the summer.  I have one of those car fans clipped to the dashboard, so it helps a little.  My husband and I purchased a 1997 Chevrolet Suburban recently, which he drives most of the time, but I'd rather drive Nelly.  It has a much smaller gas tank ($25 fills it up), and the Suburban is mainly used for our frequent road trips back and forth to New Orleans and Mississippi (where his family relocated).  I want to try and see if I can get air in Nelly, have a wheel alignment done, and fix anymore problems the car may have, though relatively minor.  I really love the car, because I really believe God gave it to me.  Let me explain how:

In New Orleans, I always had to rely on public transportation, or someone else's transportation to get around.  People are funny with their vehicles, so I had to endure a lot.  I began asking Him for a car about five years ago.  I wanted MY OWN car, not a car belonging to someone else.  Years passed, and it looked like giving me a car was the least of God's worries.  I became frustrated, and even told Him that I would stop praying, because evidently, He didn't want me with a car!

Enter August 29, 2006.  Hurricane Katrina.  I lost my home.  My family, including my husband, lost all their vehicles.  We lost our jobs.  We had to relocate.  The money that we received from various agencies went to housing.  Wal-Mart gave me a grant for $1,000.  I had to take a 1 hour bus ride to the nearest Wal-Mart to receive it, in addition to my last paycheck, because I needed to purchase uniforms so that my daughters could go to school the next day.  It was a three-block walk from the bus stop to the store (ouch!).  The heat was unbearable.  Walking back towards the bus stop, carrying four extremely heavy bags, I pass this used car dealership.  I was almost to the bus stop when the Holy Spirit instructed me to go back.  I said, "Now, Lord?" And He said again, "Go Back."  So I went back to the dealer and, to make a long story short, the dealer sold me this car, with tax, title and license, for $1000.

Anyone who's been to Houston knows that it is virtually impossible to get around without a car, simply because Houston is so vast (it takes me 45 minutes to get to my mother's home from my house!).  So when I really needed it, He provided the car for me.  Nelly has served us well, even going all the way to Natchez, MS and back during the Hurricane Rita scare. Yes, we had to evacuate AGAIN.  Another story for another time......

This is why my car is so special to me.  I plan to have it for awhile.  It has almost no leaks, and the roof of the car's liner is still intact.  The seats have no rips and tears, instead for one hole in the rear passenger side seat.  The rug is slightly stained, but a good vacuuming makes it presentable.  It has a premium sound factory radio with a tape deck to which I attached my portable CD player (which was given to me at a shelter, go figure!).  The trunk is nice and roomy, and carpet-lined.  I cannot say enough about it, except that it's a miracle!  A good washing, and it is absolutely pretty.  And I love the model's square body, which makes it look almost aristocratic, and it's color, pale yellow or beige with a beige rag top.  It's as if the car was meant for me!

Anyone who's reading, pray fo me, cross your fingers, etc., because I received a call this morning from the TX Department of Public Safety advising me that they are going to test me for an available dispatching position Monday.  However, I have to track down a copy of my high school transcripts and apply for a Social Security card, all which was destroyed in the storm.  Wish me luck!  I'll keep you posted!                 

God's Peace

After another busy day of errand running, a two-hour nap, and attending a night meeting at my children's school for an after-school program the CIS counselors are putting together, I needed some time alone with the Lord.  So I drove to my favorite park, sat in my car, and poured my heart out to him-my feelings, my uncertainties, my past failures, my apprehension about the future, my fears, the lessons I've learned, and the mistakes I didn't want to repeat in my life.  I cried some of the time, but the prayer was very direct, dealing with specific issues I am facing.  A moment passed, and then I felt His peace wash over me like a flood. 

That peace.  None of you have any idea how valuable that peace is to me.  It's indescribable-kind of like a knowing, an undeniable presence that carries you into a place of stability, of strength, and a renewed, refreshed sense of purpose.  It gives me what I need to live yet another day.  And I know that sometime today, tomorrow, or this week, He will provide answers to some of my most daunting problems.  He already provided an answer for one..... in my last journal, I expressed how frustrated I was with my husband.  Well, logging on to my local New Orleans news site, there was a piece done on marital discord among couples who suffered during the hurricanes.  It's as if He wanted me to know that I am not alone, and that how I feel is okay, and that there is help if I need it.  Well, He has become all the help that I will ever need.  I don't have to worry about tomorrow anymore.

I prayed most of all that He doesn't allow me to fall out of His will.  That's a prayer that I will probably pray for the rest of my life.  I am the type of person who rushes to make decisions because I am afraid that life will not turn out the way that I want it to.  I have made some very poor choices in my past, and have made myself justify them, even though I knew I was wrong, because many times I found myself so deep in the mess that it seemed literally impossible to come out of it.  And, I did not want to admit that I was wrong.  The Bible teaches that there is a way that seems right to a man, but the end thereof is death.  I am the poster child for "laboring in vain".  But God has delivered me from so much, I mean, I don't have enough room in this journal to say what, that I amthoroughly convinced that NOTHING is impossible for him, and I can trust HIM with my life.  I can live without many things and many people, but I cannot live without HIM.      

NO-NO; NOT THIS YEAR!!!

Today was a pretty busy day for me.  I left home soon after I dropped the kids off to school to the Texas Workforce Center to apply for a few jobs that I was interested in.  I wound up having to take a skills test for one of them, which caused me to be away longer that I had planned to.  When I finally returned home, my husband was heading out the door and wanted me to come with him.  So he and I went "mall hopping".  When that was over, it was 3:15 PM, time to pick up my youngest daughter, the five-year old.  By then, I was completely exhausted.  Let's not mention that I had to go and pick up dinner for tonight, fix the meal, and pick the older girls up from tutorials at 5:30 PM.  Or the fact that I have been gone since 8:45 this morning.

I asked my "Peaceful Ph leg ma tic" husband to help Angela with her math homework after she had her snack.  That was 3:45 PM.  Mind you, my husband had slept until 1:00 PM today (he does this A LOT)!  I went ahead and continued to finish what needed to be done today. I returned home at 6:15 PM, and Angela is still sitting in front of a stack of unfinished math papers.  I went off.  I asked Matthew why Angela's homework hadn't been done, and guess what his answer was?  He had JUST GOTTEN UP.  That means that in addition to the 13 hours of sleep he already had, he adds 2 1/2 to 3 hours more!!!!  I was livid!  But this time, I played it cool.  I let my husband and my daughter work this one out on their own.  I turned off the TV and took the television remote from him (he had the audacity to turn the TV on while attempting to help her with her work) and placed it in the highest cabinet I could reach.  I fixed dinner for my two daughters and myself, and ate while they struggled with the homework.  See, I was determined to send her to bed without supper for disobeying me, unless she finished her homework (which she did, and had dinner before turning in at 9:30).  But for Matthew, I simply spoke my mind, and told him how I felt, in a language only he could understand.

You see, ladies, my husband is very virile-"hot", as I put it so very bluntly, and although I appreciate the physical intimacy from time to time, because I am so responsible for so much, I tire easily.  My husband has the energy to be"hot".  I don't.  I don't appreciate him pawing me at the end of the day when I have been busy 24-7, and without any attempt on his end to help me.  I told him exactly what I am saying here, in so many words.  I had NEVER done this before, but now, after all that I have been through, I am at a different place in my life.  I don't mind telling him exactly how I feel.  I did not attack him, or curse him out, or any of those things I normally would have done five or ten years ago.  But today, my message resonated.  The homework had gotten done.  I did not feel guilty about what I had said.  Life goes on.  Quite frankly, if he isn't "hot" for awhile, than that's fine with me.  I will finally be able to catch up on some much- needed rest. 

Many of you may disagree with my sentiment, and that's fine.  But for the record, I DO NOT make a habit of denying my husband.  He can stand testament to that!! This isn't about "punishing" him for not doing what I wanted him to do. This is about how, earlier in our marriage, I wasn't able to communicate how I felt in a way that was real or effective.  I just recently learned how to do this, without feeling guilty, ashamed, or feeling as if I wasn't supposed to.  Being able to communicate my feelings effectively is extremely liberating for me.  Believe it or not, it liberates my husband, too.  Instead of having to deal with an angry wife who doesn't know why she's angry herself, can't communicate in anger and stays like that for days and days, now I am able to just say what I feel I need to, and leave it there.  No picking it back up, swallowing it, and regurgitating it over and over.  It's done.  Remember, feelings and washes of emotions are temporary; but peace of mind is a priceless treasure that I suffered long and hard to obtain, and I am not about to let emotions or fickle feelings rob me of it anymore. 

"Oh, Dear God...."

Lately, this journal seems to contain less about my travails of motherhood, and more about the latest tragedy.  I just found out about the devastating news that only one miner has survived.  The news media really needs to work harder to ensure that they are getting the right information out there to the public.  There has already been a display of public outrage at the local church, and who knows how many countless others will ensue because of this.  Having myself experienced a monumental loss (life, home, etc.), I can only imagine the level of suffering that those families and that town are experiencing right now.  My heart truly goes out to them, and my prayers this morning are for them.

I want to cry, but I find that with all that has happened, tears are hard for me to shed as easily as they used to be.  It probably has to do with the immense level of resilience that I had to encompass during those awful days following the hurricane.  Daily, I had to remind myself to be strong for my children and my ailing mother, and that God is with us.  I had to look forward to the future, even though the present seemed so bleak.  I had to have hope in the midst of what looked like a hopeless situation.  I am so grateful for the relationship that I have with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for I know that without Him, we would not have survived.  This morning I am asking that He shower these people with hope, love, and the strength to make it through this tragedy.  I already know that He will do it.

I hope to have a lighter message for anyone reading later on today.  I had planned to talk about my kids for a change, and my quest to find a job.  Read on, readers!

First School Day Of The Year

I am sitting up watching a show on television about women who are addicted to plastic surgery.  I think that we Americans really need to realize the importance of good therapy! 

Well, today went without incident. The incident really happened yesterday, when I realized too late that they missed their first day back in school.  I thought that Tuesday was their day to return.  Oh, well, things happen. 

My oldest daughters are enrolled in tutorials after school, because they are so far behind academically, thanks to New Orleans' worthless school system.  The year I finally had enough money to send them to private school, the hurricane happened.  But I am so very pleased with the Texas educational system.  These people conduct school the way I had school as a kid.  The teachers really care about their students, and want them to pass, and work with the parents to ensure that the children do just that.  My kids are finally receiving the help they so desperately needed.  Another reason why I would love to stay here instead of return home.  For the first time, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my children will receive an education that will prepare them for their future.  I don't have a problem paying taxes in a state that places so much value in their children.  They understand that these kids are the future, and every parent wants their children to be ready. 

I am hoping that the disaster will change the way New Orleans and Louisiana residents view education.  I hope that they will make decisions that will have a positive impact on the future of the city and state.  Louisiana has a once-in-a-lifetime chance of changing the system as we know it to a system that works, is efficient and serves all the citizens of the city and state, especially the youngest ones, well.  It's a shot in the dark, but the God that I serve is able to do the impossible if we believe that He can.  For the sake of the future of New Orleans, I believe.  

Sorry!

For anyone reading my journal, I am so sorry I did not submit an entry earlier(see Other Journals).  My husband switched Internet providers, so my e-mail address and everything changed.  Luckily, I remembered my password!  I shall keep anyone interested up to date on our progress.  So far, we are sending our beautiful daughters back to school, and looking for jobs in the Houston area.  I have high hopes for this year, and am so glad that 2005 is over.  What a whirlwind!  If anyone out there loves God and has a relationship with Him, then please help in praying with us that this year brings new hopes, new lives, and new starts for all victims of the hurricanes, tsunami, and earthquakes.  I understand that now there are some miners trapped in a mountain, and a huge storm attacked California.  My heart goes out to everyone.  God bless all, and Happy New Year.