CAUTION: LONG ENTRY! (BUT YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING BY READING IT)

I know that by publishing this entry, I am running the risk of sounding very dumb. But it's okay, because none of us know everything.

I love the scene in the movie "Last Holiday," with Queen Latifah, when the weaselly doctor tried to deliver her "death" sentence. He was clearly afraid of the "big, black, angry woman" that had him cornered in the office. He had to bring a taller, whiter doctor in to try and calm her down and protect him, so that he could feel safe. I don't know whose idea it was to put that scene in there, but it was hilarious, right on point, and unfortunately, happens too often in real life.

I am 34 years old, and this is my very first time experiencing a lot of things. I did manage to buy a house in New Orleans (HUD home, and I sold it a year before Katrina hit), but NEVER lived in a subdivision. The neighborhood that I grew up in, as well as the one we settled into as adults was far from safe. This is my first time ever buying 2 good, reliable, fully insured vehicles. I never had my own car until my feet touched soil here in Houston. I drove cars, but they either belonged to my husband (or someone else), or they were in such bad shape that they were barely reliable. And all that we were able to afford was collision insurance for the beaters, in which the premium cost about as much as the price I am paying now for full coverage insurance! (This was because insurance fraud was so prevalent in Louisiana, the cost of insurance was astronomical. Many of us could not afford to own a car.) My children are not only bussed to and from school, but picked up right in front of the door! We rode public transit to school as kids. Imagine how hard that was while living in the inner city. As a matter of fact, I rode the bus until I was well into my thirties.

I know this sounds crazy to most of you. I am painfully aware that these are things that many people take for granted. Every day I am constantly reminded of just how poor I was. And even though my husband and I have been financially blessed tremendously these past few years, we are still trying to catch up. This is why you almost never see me bragging about anything that we have. This is a humbling experience, to say the least. There is so much that we just don't know about money. And there are people out here who have no time or patience to bring "grown folks" up to speed.

Getting back to what this entry is all about. I never had full-coverage insurance on a car. When I was involved in an accident before, (or if the car we bought already came with significant problems), and since collision only covers the other drivers' damages, I had to pay out-of-pocket for repairs, which was always next to impossible for me to pay. Hence, driving beaters most of my life. I was recently involved in a very minor at-fault accident. I backed into a fire hydrant, and although no damage was done to the hydrant, I ripped my rear passenger-side tire, and put a deep dent in the rear door. My tires are fully insured (thank God for Discount Tire!), so I had the tire replaced free of charge. I called my insurance company and reported the accident, and they assured me that the repairs are covered. All I need to do is pay a small deductible, and my car will be good as new.

As you know, if there is a report of an accident on your insurance policy, your insurance rate goes up. So I asked them how much did they think the rate would be, if it would go up at all, and they told me that they did not have that information available at this time. I found it ironic that they wouldn't have that information right off. And they were not able to give me straight answers to my questions. So I kept calling to find out if anyone could answer my questions for me. Because I didn't have the information I needed, I tried to cancel the accident report, thinking that if I went ahead and paid to have the damages fixed myself, then my insurance premium wouldn't go up. So I canceled the appointment to bring my car in for repairs, and went looking for my own estimates. (Chalk this up to ignorance on my part. I didn't know.)

My husband and I are out there looking for estimates, and though we were able to find a price that was reasonable, the experience was less than satisfactory. The shops we went to had more cars to repair than workers to fix them. I was looking at about a week-long wait for my car if I paid to have it fixed myself, while the insurance company promised 24 to 48 hours max.

I called the insurance company one more time to ask questions. I needed to know what to do, because I have to make arrangements for being without my car for a couple of days. Instead of my agent answering the phone, a lady that works for him answered. She gave me the same run-around all of the other agents (at least 4 of them) gave me. I still could not get a straight answer, so I asked her to just explain to me what she said again in plain English, because I still didn't understand. She nearly had a mental breakdown because I was asking her for clarification. She, clearly irritated by me, abruptly ends the conversation (she thought that I was being "argumentative"; folks love using that word to describe us), and yells at me to "Talk to Mike! Talk to Mike!" (my insurance agent).

When Mike finally gets to the phone, I explained to him that all I wanted was a straight answer to my questions, and he gave them to me. He told me that once the accident is recorded to the insurance company, it cannot be removed or canceled. He told me not to pay to have the car repaired out of pocket, that it would be best for me to let the insurance company handle the repairs, because this is what I am paying the premiums for. He also told me that my insurance rate will go up, but since the company is connected to a network of providers, when it's time to renew the policy, the company will help find one that will provide the coverage that I need, at a price that I can afford.

I could go on and on about how unprofessional the lady was, or say something like "No one forced her to take that job" or "How dare she get upset because I asked her to do her job!" But I'm not. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't stay angry. Besides, I had gotten the answer I needed.

One of my supervisors had written a letter to me, telling me that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Tell that to the people out here who aren't willing to help you, who are too impatient, who have their own preconceived ideas about you, who "know all about you" before they even take the time to get to know you. I am acutely aware of people who want to help, and people who are just at work for a check, and nothing more. I have to push harder than anyone else to get what I need because of my ignorance, and frankly I am tired of having to fight with people because they can't handle being challenged just a little bit.

Even though I had gotten the information I needed, I didn't feel empowered in this experience at all. I didn't feel strong. I felt weak. And stupid. And dumb. Alas, it is a feeling that I am just going to have to get accustomed to. I am never going to stop asking questions, asking for help, asking for more time to learn and get things right. I don't want to go through life acting like I know something (or everything) when I really don't. And I may not know now, but ask me again the second or third time around, and if I still don't know, I'll find someone that does. And I'll be sure that it's someone that doesn't mind taking the time to "break it down" for you.