SICKNESS, NICOLETTE AND ALL THAT JAZZ

Isn't this COOL?!?  Man, I have NEVER had a "cushy" job before, and I don't know how to act! LOL  I keep looking over my shoulder for someone to jump out and say; "Smile!  You're on Candid Camera!!!"  Then again,  I have been here since September; I would have known if this was a joke by now........................

I have been sick, y'all.  I mean, REALLY sick.  I had two pink eyes, strep throat, and sinus congestion.  I had chills, fever, the whole nine.  I had to go to the doctor and get antibiotics.  This nasty virus was going around; my mom had it, and so did my middle daughter, Maya.  The docs told us that they have been treating this thing in people since December.  I am fine now, thank God.  I thank GOD for medical insurance!  I tell ya, when you haven't had something for several years, you find a renewed sense of gratefulness when you have it once again!!!!  I thank Him EVERY DAY for His provision in my life. 

Nicolette's report came back from the therapist, and she is definitely ADHD, the inattentive type.  She also suffers with an anxiety disorder (I am familiar with this; I had that, too), and she has a cognitive disability.  Now sufficiently armed with the information needed to help her, I am moving quickly to implement the measures recommended by Dr. Tate.  I am so glad that we were able to pinpoint the issues early enough, while she is still young.  With the therapy and meds, Nicolette will be able to beat this thing.  I know that we have a long road ahead, but the great thing is that because Nikki is a "good natured" kid, she isn't as bad off as most.  And because of her age, she has time to learn the discipline that will help her cope with her disorder.  I am also grateful that her school is working with me.  The principal called me FROM HER HOUSE, and requested that I bring the paperwork to the school as soon as possible, so that they can get the ball rolling with getting Nicolette where she needs to be.

Nicolette will require an in-class tutor to help her with her studies.  She will also need a reduction in homework assignments.  Because she qualifies for a specific student classification, she may not have to take the standardized tests, or will take them with help from her in-class tutor.  What's important to me is that Nicolette graduates as close to her actual grade as possible.  I REFUSE to sit back and watch Nicolette fail year after year, and by the time she does make it to high school, she will be too frustrated or disgusted to finish.  Especially when I can do something about it, and especially since I know that Nicolette is trying her very best.  That's a crushing blow in itself; knowing that you are trying your hardest, and your efforts aren't being reflected in your work.  I wouldn't be a responsible parent to just sit back and let that happen.     

Thanks to all who sent the words of encouragement and wisdom where Matt and I are concerned.  I get frustrated and tired sometimes; I am human, and I am afforded that right.  Life is difficult sometimes; it can be harder when you feel like you have little or no support.  But I know that he is doing the best that he can.  I also know that many times, Matthew is clueless as to what I am frustrated about, and why.  I have to tell him, remind him, make him aware.  That can be FRUSTRATING.  I am so in tune to everything; I realize that this ability comes with the territory of being a mother.  So it isn't fair to expect him to be the same way.

See how difficult marriage can be?  Especially when you are trying to do it right?!?  And I don't know how some people keep on walking down that aisle more than ONCE!!! LOL   

Anyway, we are talking again.  I had to explain to him Nicolete's diagnosis, because he soundly rejected the news once he heard it.  I  guess he may have felt that Nicolette's issue was some bad reflection on him or something, I don't know.  But I explained to him that Nicolette's issue isn't anyone's fault.  Would he rather that she fail through school, or pass on time?  With some coaxing, he got it, but I still need him to help me with the suggestions that were sent from her therapist to help her improve.  If he doesn't accept the reality of her situation, he will be all but useless in helping me help her.  I will keep you posted on that.

It must be a full moon or something here, because the nuts are calling out of the wood work!  LOL  Gotta go, people.  Bye!

Adrian             

ANNA NICOLE SMITH

Here is one of the few classy, tasteful editorials written for the tragic, dysfunctionally beautiful tabloid icon, Anna Nicole Smith.  I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did.

Adrian  

Goodbye, Vickie Lynn

No candle in the wind, Anna Nicole Smith was more like a bonfire in a hailstorm -- and we couldn't pry our eyes away from her.

By Cintra Wilson

Feb. 9, 2007 | The story of Anna Nicole Smith -- dead like Elvis, discovered at the Hard Rock Hotel in Hollywood, Fla. -- hit like a massive mudslide, and overwhelmed an already monstrous week of astronaut diapers, the entire Ryan O'Neal family in handcuffs and the Scooter Libby trial, all of which were displaced to secondary positions on Technorati. But the press, as of this morning, still couldn't find much to say that was nice about her -- they were too busy beating up on a woman they perceived as their very own generational whipping blonde.

The yellow press is in shock, as if it can't believe that the "tabloid life" of the woman Radar referred to as "gossip's golden goose" is actually over. Its members can't seem to wrap themselves around the idea that she isn't theirs to abuse anymore, or that somewhere under the nipple tape and lip gloss, a human being is dead enough, now, to deserve a few seconds of more than just token respect.

TV pundits, deep into the night, were still sniggering over Smith's personal defects.

Over the evening, she was continually referred to as a "train wreck ..."

"Famous for being famous ..."

"Former stripper ..."

"Playboy playmate ..."

"Totally out of it ..."

The snide, giggling, self-congratulatory Tom O'Neil of InTouch Weekly referred to the recently deceased woman as a "slob" on MSNBC. Repellent E! News hosts Ryan Seacrest and Debbie Matenopoulos were unable to summon even the smallest lick of anything that sounded like sympathy: "How tr-r-rragic. Anything after [Smith's death] seems trivial ... but there are other stories today! ... In other news, the Kim Kardashian sex tape ..." blah blah blah.

MSNBC's Joe Scarborough asked, again and again: "What was she famous for, aside from being famous?" Radar's Tyler Gray replied, with raised eyebrow, that Smith was famous primarily because of her "availability for parties ... She didn't come cheap," he added knowingly, "but she would join the party."

Richard Roeper in the Chicago Sun-Times tried to summon some kind of intelligent approach:

"The last time I saw Ms. Smith acting, it was on premium cable a couple of years ago. She was in a bathtub, naked, kissing another woman. It was somewhere between soft-core and full-on pornography -- and not to be cruel, but she wasn't even very believable in that performance.

"Nobody ever accused Ms. Smith of having any talent, and to my knowledge she never claimed to have any. She just acted like a star, and she was treated like a star -- and the fact that her death has everyone in the media (including yours truly) rushing to write something about her confirms that on some level, she won. She was a star."

So many stars are doing so badly, trying to withstand the collective hex of unkind limelight, what is really incredible is that there haven't been more deaths lately. Nothing shows so well how unkind we are, as a society, than the way we report on our falling women. Hollywood has been restless, cruel and itchy, jonesing for a real tragedy. It was getting bored merely humiliating people on "American Idol." Drug-addled Hollywood strumpets like Linsday Lohan, Courtney Love and Nicole Richie have all been on various deathwatch lists for quite some time, and the tabloids have been licking their chops, waiting to be fed a body.

Vickie Lynn Hogan of Mexia, Texas -- the woman Spy magazine once called a "super-duper-model" -- was ripe for the taking: She had always been compared to Marilyn Monroe, and she nursed these comparisons, right down to her own sense of victimization by a society that she perceived as having no respect for her, and to her self-fulfilling prophecy that she would die young and tragically.

Naturally, the death of her 20-year-old son didn't help, and neither did the methadone. It was clear she lacked coping skills. Following the death of Daniel Smith, three days after Anna Nicole gave birth to a baby girl, the tabloids reported that the distraught new mother was so sedated that she needed to be reinformed of his death, again and again, every time she woke up ... an excruciating ring of hell.

Even in such times of private agony, prurient interest now follows its victims everywhere. Wherever there's a cellphone and an Internet connection, the camera can steal a soul.

Doubt and suspicion are landing on Smith's "husband" and former attorney, Howard K. Stern -- and not for the first time. (Vito Carlucci, a private investigator, commented, "Some people keep seeming to end up in rooms where there's dead people.")

What seems more likely is that Stern was unable to control anything about Anna Nicole Smith, and unable to protect her from the tragic destiny of her cultural role. He was lamely dazzled by her blondness and breastiness and her collection of Lucite hooker shoes, and appears to have pathetically and submissively loved the woman -- but not enough to summon the backbone to stop enabling her self-destruction or stop others from watching it.

Hugh Hefner, at least, had some class, issuing a statement about how much Smith meant to him personally and to the whole "Playboy family."

Philip Kennicott of the Washington Post, in a thoughtful article, waxed philosophical about Smith's operatic, societal role as a condemned "courtesan," speculating that we never really forgave her for the outrageous gall she displayed when she married that super-rich, sick old man in a wheelchair:

"Poor Anna began her climb to fame and riches as a stripper, and in the end, she was a stripper again, seemingly uncontainable by ordinary clothing. She spilled out of her tops, she spilled into the tabloids, she was a mess. Her death gave you whiplash: Time to feel sad for a woman who was never supposed to be more than a source of amusement."

What needs saying -- what it seems nobody has yet said -- is that when she was able to suppress her demons enough to pull herself together and look her best, she was fabulously gorgeous. Numerous red-carpet moments, the footage of which we now run over and over again like a televised rosary in order to understand her death, reveal this. Anna Nicole was a star because she possessed an unusually large amount of beauty. At her best, she didn't evoke Marilyn Monroe so much as Anita Ekberg in "La Dolce Vita" -- the strapless black dress, mounds of white flesh, piles of blond hair. She was indelicate, but an unstable element nonetheless -- not so much a candle in the wind as a bonfire in a hailstorm. But the real similarity between Anna Nicole and Marilyn was their shimmering tension -- an unsettlingly powerful physical beauty, collapsing irresistibly in real time beneath the frailties of its hostess. She was entropy porn at its finest.

Our fascinated gaze was her real addiction -- and the humiliating media tractor pull between our disgust and our attraction for her was, in all likelihood, both her lover and her murderer. Fame, the only chemotherapy available for the desperate toxicity of narcissism, proves once again that it is deadly enough in its own right to be avoided.

Tags: Anna Nicole Smith, Playboy, tabloids, celebrities, fame, modeling

TRAFFIC!

Tuesday, I was late for work, because there was a horrible accident on the Beltway. 

  

I've gotta tell you, I have been in Texas a little over a year, and I am still trying to get used to the traffic jams and horrible accidents that seem to happen at the most inconvenient times!  I thought that I was a very patient person until now.  I guess it takes living in a different place for the Lord to show me just how far I still have to go...LOL

It's nothing that I could control; I called my sups, and they already knew about the accident, so I was cool.  I am sure that I wasn't the only one late that day.

They also let me change my schedule around for the days that Angie was sick.  She is feeling much better now, eating and everything.  She is still sleeping a lot; that's probably because she is growing again.  My girls are getting so tall; I barely have to help them get dressed in the mornings anymore!  However, they are STILL kids, and they STILL need to be raised.  They learn to become more manipulative as their vocabulary grows.  Geez, they keep me on my toes!!!  LOL  You've gotta be sharp with these three!

The financial strain on Matthew and I with these darn cars has been putting a strain on our relationship, such as it is.  We aren't speaking to each other, and that's not good.  It's just that we are both tired.  A lot of these things that happen to us we have absolutely no control over, they just happen.  If it isn't one thing, it's another.  I lash out in my frustration, and he just, well....withdraws even further into himself.  What's a girl to do?  I have got to keep a grateful attitude; for my kids' sake as well as my own.  My life could be worse than it is.  Still, I cannot help feeling like these things aren't fair, you know?  I'm not wrong for feeling that way, just human.  I wish that he were able to do more, and I know that he is doing the best that he can do, to the best of his ability.  I just feel like most of the stress falls on me, and I have to make more sacrifices, because I am in the position to do so.  There are few, if any, stable shoulders available for me to cry on, which forces me to pray A LOT.  I tell ya, I simply cannot make it without Jesus.  My husband cannot handle stress and pressure as well as I can.  His shoulders aren't very stable.  As a result, I feel unappreciated, and taken for granted.  He rarely, if ever, shows any gratitude, or even speaks two words to me.  I mean, I am his WIFE; don't we sleep in the same bed?!?   At the same time, I know that he doesn't MEAN to be that way; it's just the way he is.  

I am sorry, y'all. This is a very personal entry, and I am just being honest.  And there are two sides to every story.  This is only my side, and I may be wrong about how I am feeling.  The question is, how am I to know for sure?

Adrian

Tags: traffic, financial strain, married life

SICK!

Angela has been suffering with a virus since Tuesday.  We can't say for sure if it's the flu, but she has a fever, hasn't eaten much this week, and she has diarrhea.  We have been trying to keep her hydrated, giving her lots of liquids.  She has been sleeping A LOT.  She is trying to eat today, but her bites are long and slow.  I hope she will be able to keep her food down this time.

  

I have to return to work today.  I asked my mom if she would keep Angela, but she has plans.  I e-mailed my boss and asked him if he would allow me to report to work for 4 PM instead of 2 PM, and I will just get off at 12:30 AM instead of 10:30 PM to make up my time.  That  way, Matthew will be home in enough time to care for her while I am gone.  I am waiting for his response.  I also sent the e-mail to his supervisor, and the administrative assistant, in case he isn't there today.  If I don't hear from ANY of them, I will have to call the Comm center and hunt down another member of Airport Operations to ask them to approve my request.  It's still early, only 9 AM, and it's raining outside.  I'll give them a little more time...............

In an ideal world, I would be able to stay home for the duration of her illness.  But Matthew and I are both on probation at our new jobs, and I don't want to begin making a habit of missing work.  I am not eligible to use my accrued vacation time yet (I will once my six months' probation is over, in March).  We both need the money right now, and Matt missed some days last week because of the transportation situation (both of our cars were in the shop).  Because the job is so "cushy" it is very easy for anyone to take advantage of situations.  But I am determined to maintain my character and integrity.  Besides, this arrangement is the option offered to me by my supervisor when I asked him what to do should a situation like this arise.  If Angie still isn't feeling well Friday, then I will have to work like that tomorrow, too.

  

Both of the cars are running fine, thank goodness.  I still have to take my car in to have a transmission leak repaired.  That will be a way's away, though, since we are paying for the repairs done to the truck right now (we will be finished this week).  Matt wants me to bring Nelly to the same mechanic that fixed the truck.  We are hoping that he will take us on as his regular customers.  I think that we are faring better by taking care of the cars that we already have, rather than buying new ones.  I have been doing some research, and there is A LOT involved in buying a new car.  With our credit in the shape that it's in now, I don't think we are ready for that yet.  The cars aren't bad, they just need a little TLC.  And with all the driving that we have to do in Texas, it comes with the territory.

  

I washed all the kids' clothes last night and early this morning, only to wake up to a wet, cold day.  I hate going to the Laundromat in the rain!

  

We are still waiting for Nicolette's test results.  However, with Matthew coming down on her to do ALL of her homework (she lied to us about how much homework she had to do, the teacher told us about it, so Matthew banned her from the After-School Program, but she is still enrolled in school tutorials with her teacher), she is doing MUCH BETTER in school, trying harder, and making better grades!  Go, Nikki!

  

(I don't want to seem like a "told-you-so" troll, but I had BEEN suggested that she not go to the program, at least until her grades begin to improve or she stop lying to us.  He JUST got it.  Lawd, help me JESUS.................LOL)

  

When I have a chance, I will get around to y'all's journals.  I have been so busy, my head is spinning!  Talk to y'all later!

Adrian